You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
