guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
