i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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