I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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