If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
