you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
