you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
