Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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