i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
