I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
