her vagine was all disorganized.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
