i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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