he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
