i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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