were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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