so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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