WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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