we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
