You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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