toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Vodka?
Forever.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
