I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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