I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Congratulations! We have a period
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
