When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
