I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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