for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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