You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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