After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
