To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
