ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
