She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You are the jesus of drinking
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
