There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
