He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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