Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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