They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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