You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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