just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
