Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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