I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
