my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
