Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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