I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
