you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
40s are totally the cure
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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