just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
