im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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