mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
