ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
