I got chris browned last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
