I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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