I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
