i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
