**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
