Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
