Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
